BANNER, bennett paul

[bennett paul banner]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 500px; -moz-border-radius: 20px 0px 20px 0px; border-radius:20px 0px 20px 0px; padding: 10px; border: #000000 solid 2px; ] BENNETT BANNER . FULL NAME bennett paul banner . NICKNAMES ben, benny . GENDER male . AGE seventeen . BIRTHDAY january fourth . SEXUAL ORIENTATION heterosexual . GRADE junior . GROUP seventeen . CLIQUE stoners . OCCUPATION student . CURRENT RESIDENCE houses . FACE CLAIM luke pasqualino . ALIAS poppilicious . CODE WORD staff edit - - - - DESCRIPTION EXERCISE ONE to be honest i'm really not sure how a journal is supposed to help me get over the fact that my father killed himself and i was the one that found him. this is just me reliving a day i would very much like to forget and pretend never happened. the more drugs i do the less and less i think about what happened. i was fifteen when it happened and now two years later the memory is still fresh in my head as if it had just happened. it was just any other day and i came home from school to find him in his bed with a gun in his hands. he had aimed it against his head so there was blood pretty much everywhere. part of his skull and brain just laid out on the floor for anyone to see. the first thing i did was just close the door and sit there wondering if what i had seen actually happened. it all just seemed like some type of sick joke that someone was playing on me. maybe i had a little too much to smoke that day. endless possibilities went through my head but in the end my father was still dead and i was the only one who knew about it. it took me half an hour to calm myself down and finally call an ambulance where i simply told them my father killed himself and waited for them to come. i can't tell you how many questions i was asked but i never gave a response, i didn't speak for that whole week. everything was still processing in my head. then at the funeral it was full of people who apparently knew him so well and that kept assuring me he was in a better place. sure, he was in a better place, but we weren't. and we'll probably never be that happy again. everyone says he had post-traumatic stress disorder from all those years he spent in the army, but he was too proud to go get help. i never really knew my dad because he was gone most of the time and only came back for limited periods, so i had to admit i didn't find his behavior strange because my mother just told me that was how he had always been. but if we're going to be honest here she was just lying to herself and all of us to make it seem as the man who left was the very same that came back. and apparently he just couldn't take it anymore and he thought that the best solution would be ending his life not caring about what we were going to do without him. he was selfish, i'm glad he's gone. or at least that's what i keep telling myself so that the situation doesn't seem as bad. but no matter how you think of it, everything about it sucks. the army did nothing but ruin our lives and now because of it i have no father and a mother who's too busy in mourning to even realize that life goes on. things had gotten so bad that we had to move all the way to portland, oregon to live with my grandparents. my mother couldn't take care of us, she couldn't even take care of herself. i was a freshman in high school and when i started school and actually stayed for longer than a month things were pretty weird. while my dad was in the army we were constantly moving so i never really had the opportunity to make actual friendships and attachments with other people. everything here was different and i wanted to actually make a good start with things. i found a few people and we bonded over the party and drug scene which was perfect for me. the more drugs, the more partying, the easier it was to pretend that you were happy. to pretend that everything about your life is good and that you can actually handle it all. not too long after moving i even got my first girlfriend, and things actually seemed decent for once. i'm not sure what attracted me about her at first but i'm guessing it was the fact that she just really wanted to be with me, she made me feel like i was the only one that could make her happy. even though we'd had our tough moments we're still together today. each time we've almost broken up she threatened to do something to herself and i wasn't going to have another person i loved end up dying on me. as long as she needs me i'm going to be there for her no matter how difficult it is to hear some of the things that end up coming out of her mouth. she's doesn't have the best of personalities but i know she's a good person somewhere inside there, i'm not going to give up on her. my sister was a senior in high school at the time and she made sure that she didn't let any of this get in her way. she ended up with a full scholarship to oregon university so she wouldn't be too far from the family. i have no idea why she wanted to stay in the area, all i want to do is get away as far and as fast as possible. she's studying to become a child psychologist so she can help other people who have situations similar to ours. i don't know what i'm going to do with my life but i know that it's going to have to be something that doesn't remind me of my past. i'm a junior in high school now and honestly not doing so well. i'm not an idiot, but i'm not that smart either. everything about school just doesn't seem as though it's worth the time and effort. i'd much rather skip and smoke outside. whenever i actually do go to school i'm normally stoned because that's the only way i can sit and deal with the useless shit we learn every day. as if it's going to matter if i can do geometry once i'm out of school. nothing matters, so i might as well enjoy my youth for as long as i can and take in as many illegal substances as my body can handle. as far as everyone is concerned i'm just going through my teen rebellion phase and soon enough i'll get a reality check. but honestly, i think i got mine too young and too early. i'm just going to focus on the now and present and do whatever makes me happy. at that moment it's skateboarding, my friends, and my girlfriend. those are the only things that matter to be and are probably going to be the only things that ever matter. i know that now my dad is gone that i'm supposed to be the man of the house, but i don't think i can handle that type of responsibility. there's rarely a time where i'm not on some type of drug, prescribed or that i bought of some shady kid in the alley way. i've tried most of them and i love the feeling when reality just seems to melt away and not matter anymore. i'm burning this journal, actually maybe i'll use the pages to roll a blunt. i guess this journal was useful for something. nobody's ever going to get a chance to read it because then everyone would start to question if was really handling everything alright. i'm surviving, and that's all that matters. it's more than i can say for my mother. she's the one that should be going to these therapy sessions instead of me. but my grandmother insists that i need them and i'm going to have to keep going as long as i live under her roof. half of the time everything i say to my therapist is a lie to keep her from diagnosing me with something i don't want. though she does give me pills for my ADHD and my anxiety so i don't mind coming as much as long as she keeps refilling my prescription. my mother went back to work but is now behind a desk where there is little people interaction. it's easier for her that way when she doesn't have to see people and pretend that she's just as sane as everyone else. my sister is still in school but now she's in her junior year and analyzing me every chance she gets. we have a pretty weird relationship, either we're the bestest of friends and inseparable, or we're ready to actually murder each other. there is never an in between, we can never just have a normal relationship. i'd never admit it to her but i'm glad she went to school in the area, it's nice to see a semi-normal family member now and then. now my girlfriend is calling me, i've been ignoring her texts to write this and doing that is always a bad idea. i didn't expect to be going on for this long but it's not as bad as i thought it would be. if i don't answer her call i'm afraid she's going to just yell at me for the rest of the night. - - - - THE WRITER ( POPPY ) . sample bam ratatata tatatatata bam ratatata tatatatata bam ratatata tatatatata bam ratatata tatatatata oh my god . other characters sullivan griffin saul stanton cooper moriarti dahlia moreau audrey tucker

[/td][/tr][/table]
[/center]

[( POPPY )]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 450px; -moz-border-radius: 20px 0px 20px 0px; border-radius:20px 0px 20px 0px; padding: 10px; border: #000000 solid 2px; ] accepted Thank you for registering with our forum! Now that you've created your character, please make sure to fill out your claims and get roleplaying. Welcome to Just the Way I'm Not!

[/td][/tr][/table]
[/center]